A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. “Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding–a reason I’ve never before heard — I’ll let you go.”
The old gentleman paused then said: “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought maybe you were bringing her back.
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying … “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ’cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ’cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’ ”
Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South,
but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.
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With the draft a faint memory and free agency at a seemingly standstill, OTAs (Organized Team Activities) are now the focus. The Denver Broncos begin theirs on May 20th. So lets take a look back and see what changes the Broncos have made since the Super Bowl.
Many political pundits are writing that the duel scandals of Benghazi and the furor over the IRS targeting political opponents and reporters will eventually bring down the presidency of Barrack Obama. Anyone with an ounce of reality and perspective knows that if the president was named Ronald Reagan or either one of the Bush’s their presidency would be over. However, we are talking about Obama, a man completely unqualified to be president in the first place and a complete and total failure by any reasoned assessment. Any other president that would have run for re-election with his gross record of non-accomplishment would have been buried in a landslide. Conservatives can hope that Obama may be finished but the odds are that he will survive and the gutless Republican Party will once again roll over and play possum.
For many Denver hoops fans the NBA playoffs came to an abrupt and bitter end. Our Nuggets came in with so much promise against an inferior team in the Warriors, which lost one of its best players in the first game here at The Can. That David Lee injury which many assumed would doom those Warriors has instead given us one of the most entertaining evolutions in basketball that we have seen in a long time, if Nuggets fans can bring themselves to watch.
Son, I think it’s just indigestion. Have a Sprite.
“Some things you can’t explain. Like why we’re all embracing conventional wisdom in a world that’s just so unconventional.” – Built To Spill
Hemingway’s advice for those spinning words onto the page was to write one “true sentence.” I’m surrounded by terribly beautiful and deeply afflicted women and every minute detail of this city built upon the plains by the Rockies enraptures my viscera to the point of feeling drunken, ashamed and speechless.
This summer I have a lot road trips planned, more than any person should attempt to dabble with in one summer, especially in an old, unreliable car; but, I’m going to try. The first trip is to New Mexico to visit a good friend of mine. From there we will head to Arizona to spend a little bit of time with my boyfriend’s grandparents before we head back up to Colorado. My next trip is a little shorter, up North to Wyoming to spend a weekend with my cousin. Then there’s the big family trip to South Dakota with the entire, giant, Italian clan. That one will be way better than it sounds. In late July I will then be going to Missouri to visit my boyfriend’s best friend and see where they spent most of their childhood. Last, I will be driving my brother’s car to San Diego for him when he gets back from his deployment so he can have his car with him on base.
The study released this month showing the growth of the job market in Denver should be very good news for the local Real Estate market. Metrostudy’s local update shows the annual growth rate of 2.8% is up .3 from March of 2012, while the area’s unemployment rate is 1.3% lower when compared with a year earlier.
Weird and strange days and nights under the sun and moon require strange happenings up above. Or is it the other way around?
An unexplainable peculiarity drew me to the Mercury Cafe. I drove into the city and counted the uptown streets, carefully cruising through minor construction efforts around the intersection of Stout and 17th, finally making my right onto 22nd.
Past a construction fence weighted down by sandbags was the Mercury Cafe. I had read about the place in Westword, and it had struck a chord. The write-up said that the cafe ran on solar power and wind energy. Great, I thought. So do I.
The cafe building looked like it had sprouted from the cement. There was a little dark green awning with stars and moons. Down on the sidewalk to the left there was a modest garden and a compost heap. I got to the door and I saw the sign: No Credit Cards Please. As I pulled the door open I wondered if I was carrying any cash.
To the right were tables and booths and dangling from up on the ceiling were strung-up lights and old-fashioned lamps, creating an entrancing ambiance of relaxation. I nodded to a girl with long light-brown hair and sedate hazel eyes and walked over to the coffee bar, sitting in front of the tarot card reading sign-up sheet where I ordered a small coffee from a hip and trendy-looking short-haired blonde wearing hip and trendy glasses.
The coffee was good, and the hippie waitresses kept coming by and filling me up with their eyes pleasant and welcoming. On a slightly elevated stage, a duo was playing classical music. Right in front of the enticing and open-air dessert presentation I pulled out a book.
Had I not found a paradise, for which I am incessantly searching, I had at least found a unique haven for those that think a little “differently”, as we say.
Coffee was $2.50, the girl had informed me.
I left her a five-spot as outside the sky dripped and lightning flashed, approaching from the northeastern plains. I walked away yawning from the caffeine and studied some of the posters and pamphlets which registered with me a good feeling that not everywhere was everyone blind about certain aspects of our society. People and places that seem to be blossoming and blooming with their knowledge away from the mob, efficiently and effervescently.
With my hood over my head I stepped into the pouring rain. Around the corner a girl appeared from the upstairs level of the cafe. In a bit of a dream state I noticed she wasn’t wearing any shoes.
“Where are your shoes?” I asked her, fatherly.
“Oh,” she said, looking down and then up into the rain, squinting. “They’re upstairs.”
As I walked up the block I turned back to look at the girl. She had her hands jutted out and above her head, in ballerina fashion. Alone she twirled. Up the street the Yankees were in town, waiting out the rain.
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Alright, this might be stretching it on the whole “wheels” theme, but I think it’s interesting enough. I’ve always said that I wanted to go skydiving, but it was kind of an empty statement for most of my life. Of course fearless Malissa would go skydiving…but would I really? Would I really jump out of a plane? (Planes have wheels, by the way).
Health and conservation has become a central motif in Denver and no restaurant portrays these two traits better than Root Down. If you haven’t dined at this intimate spot, then make a reservation here. The unique menu is surprising as it changes seasonally. Whether you go for the Diver Scallops, roasted beet risotto, or the grilled never ever beef tender, you’ll always be pleasantly surprised by the ingredients and flavor. Their dinner and happy hour menus are bursting with choices that you won’t be able to find anywhere else. They also give shout outs to all their local ingredient providers, which are impressive. Almost everything on their menu is allergen free and most dishes can be made gluten free as well. There are many vegetarian delights lingering on the menu too. There is actually something for everyone at Root Down and the slightly large price tag is worth every penny.
Wings Over the Rockies is a wonderful family-orientated museum for the aviator enthusiast. It is an air and space museum filled with planes from every era. All are housed in a 150,000 sq. ft. 1930′s former Air Force hanger.
There are many hands-on interactive exhibits for all ages. There is also a space station module that was a mock up for a proposed space station built by the Martin-Marietta Company. I had fun in the flight simulators that were actually used by airline pilots.
Denver, its finally time for spring! So, let’s ditch the heavy, winter meals and switch it up with some light ones. With swimsuit season fast approaching, there’s no time like the present to shape up and squeeze into those short shorts once again! Nothing feels fresher and more iconic of springtime than a salad. How about a Crusted Chicken Orzo-Arugula Salad with a Parmesan-Lemon Dressing? Yes, please! Instead of Crusted Chicken, you can use simply Grilled Chicken for a healthier alternative. Healthy food does not need to be synonymous with unfulfilling food. In fact, this sticks to your ribs while still keeping it relatively low-cal. Enjoy!
A most interesting article on Mexico from Bloomberg BusinessWeek. May 12th.
The Mexican ecomomy grew 3.9% in 2012
Mexico imports from the U.S. more than Germany, France and the U.K. combined
Mexico is the third largest supplier of oil to the U.S. behind Canada and Saudi Arabia
World’s top per capita consumer of Coca-Cola and has more WalMarts per person than the U.S>
To get a copy of the article click the Contact Us link or to read it online click the Bloomber Business link below.
In the spirit of my all wheels blog, I am going to start small: focus on two wheels. I am in desperate need of a new mountain bike. Alright, alright, need isn’t the right word. I am in desperate want of a mountain bike. But I didn’t really know anything about what to look for when I initially started looking. I know more now, and it’s a lot more complicated than I expected. It just might be the death of me, dealing with the flakes on craigslist.
Downtown Denver has a plethora of restaurants but if you’re looking for that neighborhood feel try 17th Street. Driving east on 17th from downtown is a host of neighborhood style restaurants small and intimate. I found such a restaurant, dBar Restaurant. They serve lunch and dinner menu plus an added bonus for those late afternoon cravings, an afternoon tea.
I have been to dBar for lunch, dinner dessert, and recently to their afternoon tea. The menu is small but the food is delicious. The entrees range from small plates of devil eggs, Parmesan frites to yellowtail tuna, and to grilled steak. The dessert menu is divided into two categories, broad daylight and dessert @ night. The difference between the two is that there are five added desserts to the night menu that are more appropriate for having after dinner.